One of the key pillars in our lives is our relationships. Relationships include romantic relationships, friendships, family, and even peer/coworker types of relationships. The principles we are going to talk about throughout this series can be applied to most of the relationships in your life, but we will focus on romantic relationships.

Why romantic relationships?

Romantic relationships are often of utmost importance to us. There is much more pressure of succeeding and failing in these types of relationships. I know you want to succeed, and so do I, therefore it is a great place to work on. Plus, how we treat one relationship is often how we approach all of our relationships.

If you focus on having a healthy romantic relationship, you will find yourself naturally applying those principles across all of your relationships.

Even though relationships are so key and important to our lives, we often find ourselves in unhealthy relationships. This is especially true for those of us who are incredibly sensitive and giving. This sensitivity and generosity can be amazing characteristics that bring a lot to another person, however, it can also attract people who take advantage of that compassion, and then we can find ourselves in one-sided relationships and even abusive relationships.

Following your heart is great, but let’s also be smart about it. Let’s put the work into creating healthy relationships in our lives.

Here are the keys to a healthy relationship:

1. Communication – Communication is key to any type of relationship. This includes being able to be brave and vulnerable with what you share, and creating space for your partner to also be vulnerable. It also includes learning to really listen. I encourage you to make a habit of listening more than you talk, and asking more questions.
2. Boundaries – This might seem to be the opposite of being vulnerable, but I would argue that setting boundaries requires great vulnerability. You need to decide what are the non-negotiable things for you when it comes to a romantic relationship. You also need to actively find out what your partner’s boundaries are, and what are the boundaries you decide together for your relationship. Boundaries are setting up the extremes, not just a list of desires.
3. Commitment – Commitment can look different from one relationship to another (that goes back to setting boundaries). The commitment I am talking about here is the commitment to lighting your partner up. When you approach your relationship with the commitment to making the other person happy verses tallying scores, you will find yourself much happier and healthier. When you are keeping score that means there is a winner and a loser. In a healthy relationship there is no loser.
4. Self-Love – Healthy relationships start with you. If you are not in a place where you are caring for yourself and really showing yourself love, then you are not ready for a truly healthy relationship. Without strong self-love you will find yourself looking for someone to save you, or continue to find yourself in relationships where people take advantage of you.
5. Forgiveness – You have already set your boundaries, but there are lots of opportunities to be disappointed and hurt, even when those extreme boundaries aren’t crossed. What this means is to have a healthy relationship you need to learn to forgive. Holding on to little disappointments and hurts will build up and blow up in ways that can crumble a relationship. Start by learning to forgive yourself too.
6. Physicality – Physicality is helpful to any type of relationship, but is extremely important in a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship is a special type of relationship that allows for deep physical and emotional intimacy that you do not get just anywhere. Therefore, it is important and not something to put on the back burner. In conjunction with your partner, you get to decide what physicality looks like for your relationship and you then have to commit to not getting lazy with it. Remember your commitment to lighting your partner up!
7. Appreciation – The last key I have for you is appreciation. Gratitude is a great way to shape your mind to see the glass half full. No one is perfect, and if you start focusing on their flaws you will ruin your relationship. Make a habit of telling your partner why you appreciate them. Make a habit of looking for things to appreciate in and about your partner.

You can use these techniques to create, attract or adapt a healthy relationship.

It is also important to know the red flags for an unhealthy relationship.

Sometimes when you are in an unhealthy relationship it can be hard to see what is really happening, and start making excuses. So, please think about these red flags carefully and if they come up consider making a change.

Red Flags for an Unhealthy Relationship:

1. Inequality – Are you always doing things for the other person (you come to them, buy them things, compliment them, etc and it is not reciprocated)?
2. Disrespect – Do they say things or act in a way that shows you they think very little of you?
3. Any aggressive/physical behavior – If someone hits you, throws something at you, etc even once this is abusive.
4. Insults – Do they put you down, make fun of you, or point out your flaws?
5. Possessive – Do they want to limit your friendships or have a monopoly on your time?
6. Jealous accusations – Do they look through your phone or create arguments around the idea that you could be cheating when you aren’t?

These are the healthy relationship 101 items for you to think about and start putting into practice. I know it was a lot of information, so here are the steps I want you to take today –

1. Think through the red flags and ensure that the relationship you are in is not meeting any of these red flags. If it is MAKE A CHANGE.
2. Pick one of the keys to a healthy relationship and focus on improving that area this week.

Share with me in the comments below what you are going to work on.
If you are ready to make big waves in your relationships then it’s time we work together one on one. I only have limited space so if you are interested make sure you check out it out here. 

Much love, Danielle