A positive or a negative break-up of ANY relationship affects you.

I am a relationship person, which means I have been through quite a few break-ups. I have dealt with really difficult break-ups to fairly easy ones. What I have learned is this: THEY ARE NEVER EASY.

It takes a lot of energy to make a change in life.

It takes a lot of energy to break someone’s heart.

It takes a lot of energy to not have a choice in your relationship.

It takes a lot of energy to lose an important person in your life.

It does not matter if you initiated a break-up or the other person did. It does not matter if it went smoothly or included a lot of drama. Either way, under any circumstances, a break-up affects you and impacts you deeply. When you have decided to have another person as a major part of your life, taking them out of your life will affect every aspect of it.

It is OK to admit that a break-up is hard.

You do not have to be perfectly together all of the time.

Letting the break-up affect you is a great way to move forward and heal.

Dealing with the negative.

You are not alone dealing with all of the negativity that can come from a break-up.

Several years ago I got out of a very difficult relationship that left me with a lot of negative consequences. I had an ex who was VERY upset that I ended the relationship. I felt like I was going to have to give up all of my friends to get away from that person, and I was mourning the good aspects of having this person in my life. My stress level was incredibly high, along with feeling my anxiety and depression put under pressure.

Through this, and other break-ups, I learned how I deal best with the negativity.

Here is what worked for me:

• Reduce other stressors (that can be controlled).
  • With a break-up there are a lot of stressors outside of your control. It can feel like you no longer have ANY control over your life. It is really helpful to remember that you DO have control over your life. You can take some time off work, hire someone to clean your home, or stop watching the news.
• Get healthy.
  • You may feel in a really unhealthy place mentally and emotionally, so focusing on your physical health can feel more manageable. Luckily, taking control of your physical heath will help your mental and emotional states as well. Start a workout routine, cook more, go on a walk at night, start dancing, or join a yoga class. Taking care of you in this way can make BIG waves.

Dealing with the positive.

A positive break-up can throw you off as much as a negative one sometimes. When you put a lot of energy in deciding to break-up with someone and they don’t seem to care, it can feel similar to rejection. It can be difficult to wrap your mind around it going well. It can challenge your sense of self or confidence.

What can happen when a break-up goes positively is you second guess your decision, try to back track, and come off desperate and disingenuous.

Here is what works for me when dealing with this type of mental state:

• Remember who you are.
  • Don’t let rejection define you. Write down and remind yourself of all the things you are good at, love about yourself, and define who you know you are. Dive into the things that make you special. Use positive affirmations to remember what you have to offer and who you are.
• Surround yourself with love.
  • Spend time with those who appreciate your company and time. Keep yourself busy with fun and good times with those who you love. Reminding yourself of how many people care for you can help you relieve some of the hit of rejection.

Either way you will get through this transition after the break-up. If you need more support I am here for you. Let’s chat about how we can work together on a deeper level.

Much love, Danielle