This is part 3 of the 6 part series on healthy relationships. So far we have gone over the basics of healthy relationships, red flags for unhealthy relationships, the skills for healthy communication, and tips to be a good listener. 

Today, we are going to go deeper into the key principle of having boundaries for a healthy relationship.

To many people boundaries sound restrictive, and even in opposition to being vulnerable. However, it is through having clear boundaries that you will find success in your relationship.

Boundaries include your boundaries, your partner’s boundaries, and the relationship boundaries you’ve developed together. Each of these areas is just as important as the other.

When it comes to your boundaries you need to be really honest and vulnerable with yourself. You need to decide what things you cannot put up with in a relationship. This is up to you to decide. You have to figure this out for yourself, not just pick things that you think should be your boundaries.

Once you are really clear on your boundaries, the next step is to actually communicate them in your relationship.

It is not enough to have boundaries and keep them secret, you must give this other person the same clarity you have achieved. They deserve the right to know what it takes to love you; knowing your boundaries is an important way to love you. Don’t be blind in your relationship. and don’t let your partner be blind either.

When it comes to your partner’s boundaries, it is up to you to ask. They may not be totally aware of what their boundaries are. Therefore, it can be important to get clear on your boundaries first, so that you can give them your examples and even how you came to them. Give them the space they need to get clear on these boundaries, and create space to really listen to their boundaries.

The final step is to create boundaries for your relationship together.

This is where the two of you decide how you are going to protect your relationship together. It is through setting up these boundaries together that you release the opportunity for one of you to make a damaging choice for your relationship without knowing. These boundaries could be anything. It could be that you choose to not be apart for more than 3 months for any reason, that you will not bring anyone else into your relationship, that you will share immediately when you are having doubts or fears related to your relationship, that if you are developing feelings for someone else you will chose to release that relationship, etc. There are no rules, but you must both agree on all of these together.

I would love to hear what boundaries you are setting up for yourself or your relationship in the comments below.
And, if you want to make big strides in your ability to set boundaries then let’s work together one on one. 

Much love, Danielle